Shuffle
by MajorSamanthaCarter
Summary: a random collection of oneshots. previously 'drabbly randomness'... but yeah. ill update as i think of them! mostly a/h, unless i get a strange urge to write something different. :D MSC
1. Chapter 1: Conscience

**A/N: hi! im back again! i had an inescapable urge to write down some ideas that i had, so here they are! hope you like them! and i'm very sorry to all the wonderful, nice people who have been reading my other fic, What's Up, but i havent had a chance to update (or even write) for ages, not to mention that i have an interesting love/hate relationship with my writers block; i hate it, but it cant seem to get enough of me! also very sorry to bluesparks for being a VERY slow editor; i am getting there. just very slowly. **

**i _would_ say that i dont own Artemis Fowl and co, but i think you've gathered that by now. **

**and i'm sorry about my atrocius spelling/grammar in authors notes, i can just never be bothered to fix it. Thankyou, and goodnight. oh, and i changed the dollars to euro's. thanx, forgotten sunrise!**

**Somewhere in Dublin**

As Artemis strolled down the main street of Dublin, he smiled to himself. The business meeting had gone exceptionally well today. Not only had the company agreed to pay him double the amount required, but they had offered to sign him up for patenting rights for any future inventions. Most of which would involve large sums of money.

As he walked down the street, Artemis noticed a homeless man lying in the gutter, a tray full of small change in front of him. He (that is, Artemis,) stopped and considered giving the man money, before remembering that the only cash he had on him was in hundred-euro bills.

He walked on, and was about to turn the corner when something punched him in the arm. He turned, but no one was there. Not even a shimmer in the air. Apparently Foaly had been working on some suit upgrades while they had been in Limbo.

"Holly…" he muttered under his breath.

The air hit him again. "Go back and give the nice man some money," it said.

"Holly, all I have are hundred-euro bills. I can't give him that! He's a hobo, for heavens sake. And I bet it was his own fault that he has no job."

She hit him again. "It's not like you're going to run out of them anytime soon. I'm sure you could spare a few. And since when did you use the word 'hobo'?"

By now Artemis had stopped on the street corner, and appeared to be talking to thin air. Only Butler, who was trailing behind by a couple of metres, knew what was going on, and was disinclined to do anything about it. Artemis could always benefit from a working conscience (apparently his was broken). Especially one that hit him.

"This is ridiculous." said Artemis, turning back and walking towards the 'hobo'. As he walked past Butler, the giant appeared to wink at the air. Artemis scowled. No one was _ever_ on his side.

As Artemis reached the homeless man, he pulled two hundred euro notes out of his pocket and dropped them into the tray. The man stared after him in amazement, then hurriedly picked up the notes and shoved them in his pocket, looking around in panic in case the boy came back to get them. (What he would have done if Artemis _did_ come back, I have no idea.)

As Artemis walked back to Butler, he could have sworn he was trying not to laugh. He pointedly ignored him as he passed. When he was out of earshot of the widely grinning manservant, Artemis shot a glance at the patch of air (yes, the one that was punching him) and said, in answer to her/its previous question; "since I started hanging out with _you._ Speaking of which, I'm free tonight. And there's a nice little restaurant in the town near the manor…"

The air punched him. Again. He winced and rubbed his arm.

"What, doesn't Foaly know? Are you even supposed to be here?"

Holly sighed. "No, Foaly doesn't know about us, and I'm not planning on telling him anytime soon. He'd never let me live it down if I did. And yes, I was supposed to keep an eye on you. The council has decided to put me on the least harmless duty they can come up with, since I even managed to bust up kraken watch. They just want to get me out of the way, I think."

"I'm not surprised. But they could hardly call me harmless. Just think of all the dangerous things I've done already. Who knows what I could get up to? Especially with you here to encourage me."

"Me? Encourage you? Nooo… I wouldn't do that, would I?" Her voice was heavy with sarcasm, though still so soft that only Artemis could hear.

"But you will need to watch me tonight, won't you? You could keep a very close eye on me over dinner…"

"Fine. But only cos' it's you, Arty. See you tonight." Her voice grew fainter as she flew away, presumably to keep an eye on him from a distance. He _was _getting some strange looks, after all. He would just have to wait for night to fall, and then he could see her again…

* * *

Because how many people can have dinner with their conscience?

* * *

**well, thankyou for reading, pls review. if you do, i shall send a happy squadron of phlying phisch to congratulate you. if you're lucky, they might dance. if you don't review, i shall send you an unhappy/suicidal squadron of phlying phisch to smash through all your windows. if you're lucky, some might get lost on the way. (that's 3 less carcasses to clean up!)but shouldn't it be carcai, instead of carcasses? hmmm...**

**thnax!**

**:D MSC**


	2. Chapter 2: Marginally

**A/N: i dont think i have anything to say at the moment, so just go ahead and read my little ficlet. then review. end note from conscience applies to this as well. watch out for phlying phisch! and i dont own AF.**

**St Bartleby's, period 3: Geography **

Artemis looked out the window of his classroom and sighed. It was raining again. It had been doing that a lot lately. But that wasn't the real reason he sighed. He had been thinking about Holly. That had been happening a lot lately, too. Ever since their trip back in time, he hadn't been able to take his mind off her…

_Focus!_ Artemis told himself. It's just hormones. Nothing more. For goodness sake, she's not even the same species!

But she had kissed him, hadn't she? That must mean something…

NO! Get a grip! He mentally berated himself. If only he could tell her how he felt… but that was out of the question. It would ruin their friendship forever. And Holly was his best friend. One of his _only_ friends. And it was impossible – or at least highly improbably – that she would even return those feelings. 'In another time' she had said. In other words, we can never be together. Not the way things are. Even if I did like you. _Which you don't_ he thought grimly. And she was right, anyway. He was a teenage, hormonal mud boy, who would be lucky to make it to 100. And she was a mature, 80-year old faerie with at least another 6 centuries to look forward to. How could it possibly work? And, even if she did like him, even if they did get together, Holly would probably lose her job, her reputation, everything. Not to mention the fact that they would be breaking so many rules, the council would probably mind wipe him, regardless of all the things he'd done for the faerie people.

No, it just wasn't possible. Even if she _did_ kiss him…

Artemis probably would have continued his deep and meaningful thoughts on inter-species relationships, if not for the fact that the teacher chose that moment to ask him a question, which he answered with a sigh, all thoughts of Holly chased from his mind with exciting thoughts about rivers, and coastal structures.

I suppose, geography was marginally better than spending all his time moping about a girl.

Marginally.

* * *

**A/N: jokes. Geo isn't that bad. ****Please review. Should I write another chapter from Holly's POV? I'm going to write more random ones anyway but, you know….**

**:D MSC**

* * *


	3. Chapter 3: Love

**Love.**

Love is a strange beast.

You hear about it – in movies, books, music, TV – our lives are full of it.

To hear about it, you'd think that true love would be wonderful, a never-ending bliss. A few years ago, if anyone had told me that, I would have believed them. But not now.

Now, I know the real story.

That love is not fun, not happy, not blissful, and most definitely not easy.

It is more like a wild beast, hunting its carefully chosen prey.

First, it blinds you, traps you in its false reputation so that when it comes, you welcome it with open arms.

It stalks, unbeknownst to you, waiting for the right moment, when you let your guard down – it sneaks up on you, and you have no idea it's coming.

And then, when the time is right, it strikes.

Lightning-fast, it attacks when you least expect it, when you've let your guard down and are at your weakest. Its venom spreads through your system, paralysing you and stunning you, so that by the time you realise what's happened, it's too late.

And when you try to fight it, it strikes again, making it so that you don't _want_ to fight, so that you would die before giving it up.

So here I am, love-struck, paralysed and cut in half.

Because one half of me wants to fight back, to fight it off and kick its butt and make sure that it never comes back – the half that hates being helpless, paralysed, held captive by something that I can't even see.

But the other half of me is at war with the other. The part of me that _wants_ this – that wants the bliss that allegedly comes with true love and 'happily ever afters'… because what girl doesn't want that? To be happy, to find your 'true love', be with them always, regardless of how irrational, or ridiculous or impossible it is.

And that's the truth, the horrible agonising truth of this whole damned situation.

For me to be with the one I love, to live with him, to love him with all my heart, to be there as he grows old and to _grow old with him myself_, is physically impossible. As much as I want to throw everything away, to be with him, I can't.

Some people say that love is blind. They're wrong. Love isn't blind; it is simply cruel, ruthless. It laughs at your pain – makes you fall in love with the last person whom you would ever consider falling in love with. Makes you want the one person you can't have, the one person it is impossible to get. And then it laughs – while you are in agony, paralysed and unable to have the one thing in this world that you would die without, your hearts desire… it laughs at you.

Love is a strange thing. It makes you want to hate it, and yet at the same time you can't get enough of it, can't live without it.

Damn you, Artemis Fowl.

If only I had never met you, never even heard of you.

Because then I wouldn't be in this agonising situation.

For if I had never met you, I wouldn't have to love you.

**Well, I hope you like it! I've been dwelling on this for a while, but hadn't found the time to write… but it's here now! If you liked it, then review!!! (and yeah, i know the title is a total cliche. meh. and for those who are wondering, the title (which i changed) is shuffle as in ipod shuffle, cos that's, well, random! now, back to the part where you send me a review...)**

…

…

… **Please? For me…**

**:D MSC**


	4. Chapter 4: The Fairies Stole My Homework

The teacher sighed. Not again.

"Eloise, where is your homework?"

The young girl sat up indignantly in her chair. "It's Ellie, miss! And… the fairies stole my homework!"

The teacher fought hard to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"The fairies stole your homework?"

"Yes!"

"Eloise- Ellie, don't you think you're a bit too old to believe in fairies?"

"No! They did! Honest! I was working outside, and I went in to get some water, and when I came back my homework was gone!"

This time the teacher did roll her eyes. "Fairies don't exist, Ellie."

The child shook her head, stubborn as ever.

"Very well then. If you're not going to tell me the real reason you didn't do your homework, I'm going to have to give you detention."

"But, miss-!"

"No buts, Ellie. You've had your warning."

Ellie leaned back in her seat, disgruntled, as the teacher wrote her name on the board. It just wasn't fair!

**Haven, ****below ground**

Several thousand miles below ground, the centaur Foaly looked at the crumpled piece of paper with contempt.

"Well, if this is what they're teaching their children nowadays," he scrunched it into a ball and tossed it into the bin, "it's no wonder the mud people are so stupid!"

**A/N: this is a product of my twisted imagination. I take no responsibility for what Annabel is doing to my thoughts, or my muses. (I hear that she cooked one of them… :-* )**

**So there you have it. (If you want to know who Annabel is, see my homepage on deviantArt [on my profile]).**

**:D MSC**


	5. Chapter 5: Uptown Girl

**Uptown Girl**

Minerva sighed in irritation, and spun around. Glaring at what appeared to be a mere haze in the air, she said, in an _extremely_ annoyed tone of voice,

"What do you _want_, little fairy man?"

Corporal Grub Kelp of the LEP had been following a certain female genius for approximately 2 days before she noticed (or at least before she decided to do something about it – she _was _a genius, after all). When she stopped suddenly halfway up her driveway and started talking to him, he almost fainted in delight.

Goggle-eyed, Grub unshielded.

"I-" He didn't know what to say. He had been dreaming of this moment for months, and now that it was here, he was lost for words.

"You-" Words failed him. She was just so, so… _beautiful._ Her lips, her eyes, her wonderful golden hair, everything! And a genius to boot! He sighed, momentarily lost in ogling Minerva, completely unaware that she was getting extremely annoyed.

Or at least _more_ annoyed.

"_Well?_ Little fairy man, you try my patience." Make that very, VERY annoyed. "You have been following me around for two days! What do you want?"

Grub's mouth was hanging open, and he looked remarkably like a fish. It took him about 2 minutes to register that she, Minerva Paradizo, was _talking_, to _him_! Corporal Grub Kelp was being _talked to_ by Minerva!

Once this incredible fact had asserted itself in his head, he realized that she had, in fact, asked him a question. He gulped. That meant that he had to answer.

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was to come.

"Willyougooutwithme?"

Minerva just stared at him.

"Excuse me?"

"_Willyougooutwithme?_"

She gave him another blank look, her irritation rapidly turning to disbelief. Was he really asking her what she thought he was?

The fairy took another breath.

"Will you… go out… with me?"

This time it was Minerva's turn to do the fish impression. Although, to her credit, this was not entirely uncalled for. I mean, what would you do if a fairy materialized in front of you and asked _you_ on a date?

Once her mind had regained control over her body, Minerva was able to answer the strange little man.

"No."

Grub wasn't sure he had heard right. Had she just turned him down? He was Corporal Grub Kelp of the LEP, brother of the _commander_ of the LEP! She couldn't just turn him down! Maybe he hadn't heard right…

"What?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes.

"No. I will not go out with you, little fairy man. Why on earth would I want to go out with _you?_"

And with that scathing remark, she flicked her hair over her shoulder and stalked back to her house, leaving the stunned and somewhat heartbroken Corporal standing in the middle of the driveway.

One week later, Minerva opened the door in the morning to find yet _another_ bunch of roses. Sighing, she picked it up and added it to the growing pile of flowers and cards that was currently occupying the hall table. Muttering something under her breath about 'stupid little annoying fairy men', she called one of the cleaners and instructed her to dispose of the pile.

As she went to close the door, Minerva realised that she had missed something. She picked up the object and – as childish as it seemed – shook it. It rattled. Tearing away the frilly wrapping paper, she discovered it to be a box of chocolates.

A box of _very_ expensive Swiss chocolates.

Turning away, Minerva grinned a very Artemis-like grin.

Who said there were no perks to having little infatuated fairy-men following you everywhere?

**A/N: this would be another product of my twisted imagination. It came to me whilst listening to 'Uptown Girl' on the radio, hence the title. I, personally think it's quite funny. You never know…**

**So please, everyone REVIEW!! 'Else I'll have Annabel come and eat all of your muses… (She's already done away with mine; again, see deviantArt for a pic of my dear little muse-killer.)**


End file.
